Her bf “L” is a musician and a friend of mine.
I met him some days ago for different business, then he who met and called her in “the latest” time started to talk about her sudden death in the last weekend and her recent favorite musical event which I join every time. I couldn’t find a reality in his story cause of a big shock then asked an old guy “S” who also joins the event and wrote someone died and would go to the person’s funeral, then, S said she was gone, his story matched L’s one… I couldn’t stop wailing even worse than my great architect uncle’s case who was gone by cancer.
Then I joined her funeral in the weekend, I and S were only guys except her family there, she was a student of a women’s art university, and her mother hadn’t touched her relationships after her schools so her mother asked S only with her cellphone to join her funeral cause he was the one who took her to join another good event some weeks ago of her death and she talked about it to her mother with a big smile… she had kept problems and cried always out of events, so I heard the place of her funeral from him and joined, L was too close to her as a lover and a friend and her family might hate him sadly so he morned alone… If I didn’t talk to S in the short interval of two days between my meeting with L and her funeral then I had no hand to join her funeral cause only S could ask me to join it.
Then in the funeral her mother showed us her artworks, it was the first time to see her art in real and I found they were nicely done, I asked her mother to let me “collaborate” with her, then she said if it would make her soul ease, yes.
The musical event opened in the next day of her funeral, I had to take L to there for telling all the truth to people who join her favorite event which she had never cried after it rarely, and I was only one person who heard the truth of her death from L directly in the community and joined both of the event and her funeral.
I and L reached to the nearest station of the event almost the same late time, then we walked to the place talking about what we should do “with” her from now. Then in the event L and S and all other people met together in the first time, L talked about her and the truth of her death to them, then S played a requiem… We moaned her death and did a great improvisation all together, I played my cajon in the trance like singing a requiem.
I asked the place’s owner “B” to exhibit her artworks there, then he answered of course yes we must do it, she actually talked that she wanted to open her exhibition in the place to B before, I talked about our collaboration to her mother but B had no connection to her mother so I got to be the manager of her exhibition.
I could make this flow miraculously, it’s not my way though I can’t stop thinking it’s her “guide”.
Now L is making music for her, and I’m gonna make artworks “with” her and also manage her exhibition.
We don’t use the word “memory”, she did the biggest mistake in the last time, she had had serious mental problems and at the time also had too many bad things and was on a platform and a rapid train was coming, if she is still alive she must regret how she did and would live as a talented young artist/performer even if her life is hard enough, so we people know the truth and can live with her and can create must do whatever we can do for her and “with” her.
When we’ll make something with her then tell you.
These days I’ve done some mistakes which I’d never done before like forgetting my cellphone on a seat of a subway, using too strong word to a person who did a stupid thing to someone else or such. Maybe I’m still bound by her death and confused. I feel I’m kinda changing… maybe in a good way, especially my eyes now are seeking darker things, obviously I got shocked and meditated too much. Actually my art is often about death and love, so this changing is welcome.